


The day she goes home

by ginnyvos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb angsts, Families of Choice, Feels, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, Mighty Nein as Family, Yeza is amazing and I love him and so should you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18511684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginnyvos/pseuds/ginnyvos
Summary: Tomorrow is the day Caleb finally casts the spell he's been trying to learn for over a year.  Tomorrow is the day Nott makes place for Veth. Tomorrow is the day Caleb gives his best friend her life back, and the day he'll loose her to that life in turn.Caleb is happy for her. He is. He's not hiding away in the dark and he's not crying.





	The day she goes home

**Author's Note:**

> I had some angst to work through. Sometimes that means you have to hurt a character you love... and Caleb hurts so very good.

The fire is burning happily, and most of the Nein are gathered around it. Caduceus is putting the last touches on dinner. Whatever it is, it smells wonderful. Fjord sits against a tree, cutting up something or other as he chats with Cad. Jester, Yeza and Beau are all laughing at something that is making Nott squirm, even as a slight smile is tugging at her lips. Yasha looks on as Jester is very obviously telling some grand – and most likely embellished – tale. Even she is smiling.

Caleb stops in the shadows, observing them. His friends. Just like old times.

“-and then Caleb falls  _ again _ because he’s kinda squishy sometimes and Nott goes: ‘I will kill you for that!’ and she hit him right in the butt and he falls over just like that and it was so goooood!” Jester says, gesticulating wildly.

Everyone laughs and Nott ducks her head and waves her hands as if trying to ward off Jester’s praise or, more likely, Yeza’s admiring look. “It wasn’t like that at all! They’d already hit him a  _ lot _ and I just got lucky and-“

“Veth…” Yeza puts a hand down on her arm, and Nott freezes as she stares at him. Even a year after they’d saved him from his captivity, he still looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky and created the world with her own two hands. Like she is a miracle. “You’re amazing! I knew that already, of course I did, but you get stronger and more amazing every time I get to see you! You killed those monsters and took down that guy, all by yourself! I- well, I- I love hearing about that! And I’m sure Luke will as well, right? When we see him again tomorrow. You’ll tell him about this, won’t you?”

Nott looks down as Jester, behind her, all but melts. “I guess… I swear, I’m not half as cool as Jester makes me seem!”

“But you are though!” Jester and Yeza say, in unison. They look at each other and laugh.

Beau pats Yeza’s shoulder – Yeza nearly buckles under the force and Caleb can relate – and laughs as well. “You’re a good guy Yeza, and I don’t say that lightly!”

Now it’s Yeza’s turn to blush and look down. “I try… But really, it’s Veth, she’s the amazing one!”

“She totally is!” Jester says, happily. “As long as you keep that in mind!”

Yeza nods seriously. “I’ve always known that. She’s the woman I married, and she’s amazing no matter what she looks like,” he says, and suddenly there’s none of that humour. He looks past Jester at Veth. “Even if tomorrow doesn’t go like you want, Veth, I will still love you. Luke will still love you. I promise.”

Nott nods, clearly not ready to believe that. Not yet.

Caleb hopes that she will, one day, even if she never has to worry about looking like a goblin on the outside ever again. At least he’ll be able to give her that much. If he succeeds.

If he doesn’t fuck up, she’ll be a Halfling again, will be Veth Brenatto, wife to Yeza Brenatto, mother to Luke Brenatto, the most talented alchemist assistant in the world. Not just for an hour, but for the rest of her life. She deserves that.

He wants to give her that. He wants her to have that. He really does. He wants to-

So why does he feel like something is lodged in his throat when he thinks about it? Why is does it get harder to breathe and harder to look at her?

He shakes his head and turns around, walking back into the forest. Behind him, a round of laughter breaks out, Nott’s cackle high and loud. A goblin’s grating tones, nothing at all like the softer voice he knows she will have as a Halfling.

Nothing at all like the laugh her son must know.

For a change he is grateful for his memory. He might never hear that laughter again after tomorrow, and he will miss it horribly.

Caleb finds himself a place slightly higher up the hill where they’ve set up camp. He’s offered to make them the mansion, like he does nearly every night these days, but Fjord had told him to spare his powers, and Beau had said it was a good night for camping. He knows making the mansion today won’t change his ability to cast spells tomorrow, but Nott and Jester had been so enthusiastic about camping, for old time’s sake, that he hadn’t bothered explaining.

He sighs and looks down at their little group. The Mighty Nein.

Some days, he can’t believe how far they’ve come. How long they’ve stuck together. How long they’ve stuck with him.

Tomorrow though, tomorrow that will end. Tomorrow he will cast the spell he’s been trying to learn for well over a year now, has been trying to prepare for. Tomorrow he will give Nott her life back, and then she will go and be Veth for however long that will be. She will leave the Nein. And with Nott gone, what will truly stop the others from doing the same?

He is by no means the dirty vagabond that doesn’t even know enough magic to keep himself out of the jail that Nott had found, all those moons ago. He is perfectly capable of feeding himself, of keeping himself out of prison, of keeping alive. He will be fine when they leave. Absolutely fine. He is a powerful wizard these days, and he will thank the stars to finally have time to study.

As a matter of fact, maybe he should save them the trouble and do it himself. He’ll cast the spell tomorrow, send Veth and Yeza on their way to Luke, and when that is done, he’ll pack his bags and leave.

Yes, there’s a plan. It’s for the best. After all, if he manages to cast True Polymorph tomorrow, Nott will be gone. She will be Veth forever and while she’ll be the best alchemist’s assistant and mother and wife that Felderwin, no, the world has ever seen – he knows she will be – there will be no more Nott, the Brave, comma absolutely earned. No more thief extraordinaire, member of the Mighty Nein, connoisseur of buttons, hero of Xhorhas and the battle of the Ninth Day, the best detective and the best friend. She will be gone.

“Are you alright?”

A small hand touches his arm and he shoots upright. Yeza takes a few quick steps back.

Caleb manages to curb the firebolt before it can leave his fingers.

“Mister Widogast… Caleb…” Yeza has his hands up in front of him and Caleb feels like the absolute piece of trash that he is. “I’m sorry to startle you like that, but dinner is ready and I said I’d call you and- well-“ Yeza is rambling and there is an expression on his face that Caleb can’t quite decipher.

“I apologize,” he says, “Let’s go to dinner. It is an important day tomorrow is it not? We need to be well fed.”

Yeza doesn’t stop looking at him like that. “Caleb, are you alright?” he asks, and Caleb doesn’t know how to answer that honestly.

“I am fine of course! Dinner, you said? We must not keep Caduceus waiting!”

Yeza grabs his hand, stopping him as Caleb tries to brush past him. “Caleb, you’re crying…”

Caleb is about to deny that, because of course he isn’t, that’d be ridiculous, but when he touches his cheek his fingers come away wet. He looks at them. “Oh,” he says, and then, “I suppose I am.”

Yeza pulls at his hand and when Caleb doesn’t respond quickly enough he motions at the rock that Caleb has just gotten up from. “Sit down Caleb. Please?”

In the year that Caleb has known Yeza, that the man has travelled with them on and off and become a honorary member of the Nein, Caleb has always kept his distance. It wasn’t on purpose, not completely, not at first, but Caleb doesn’t like new people much, and there was his relationship with Nott to consider, and always so much to do, so many spells to transcribe, and so they hadn’t ever really… talked. One on one. At all.

Caleb sits down.

Yeza stands in front of him. “Thanks,” he says, smiling sheepishly. “I like to be able to look someone in the eye when I talk to them, and with you bigger folk… Well.” He shrugs. “This makes it easier.”

Caleb doesn’t have a clue what to say to that. He blinks slowly.

“Right,” Yeza says. “So. You’re crying. Why are you crying?”

A beat of silence. Caleb tries to think what to say.

“I have a few guesses, of course. I have thoughts, I mean, with tomorrow… But it’s a good thing, really, so that doesn’t explain it either, and-” The way he rambles to fill the empty space makes Caleb think of Jester and it makes this both better and worse. Better because Jester is one of the best people Caleb knows, and at least when Nott isn’t with the Nein anymore, she’ll have someone like that around. Worse because it makes it even more impossible to stop the tears.

Yeza has fallen silent and Caleb realises he must’ve missed a question because the man is looking at him as if he’s waiting for an answer.

“Ich werde sie vermissen,” he finally says. It comes out in Zemnian and he’s glad for that, because he never even meant to say it at all. Not to Yeza of all people.

“Miss her? Why?” Yeza who, apparently, knows Zemnian. How had Caleb not known that? Apart from the fact that he’d been avoiding the man, of course, and so it'd never come up. Verdammt 

“I- She- We- When- And then she will- “ Caleb doesn’t know exactly what he was going to say, but Yeza is looking at him so quizzically, like he honestly doesn’t understand. Like he isn’t about to take Caleb’s best friend away from him tomorrow. No, that’s not fair. Caleb is the one who is going to give Nott what she wants, needs, deserves, and then she will go. That is not Yeza’s fault.

“Caleb…?” Yeza says, cocking his head like he’s figuring something out. “Why are you talking like she’ll be gone? She’ll still be right here after the ritual, right? Oh god, are there side-effects? Will she be some other place? Or will she forget everything? I’ve heard of spells like that! Please tell me she won’t forget? Or be gone. Caleb?”

“No side effects,” Caleb says tonelessly. “She’ll be Veth. Truly and completely.” If he does not fuck this up for her.

“Then why are you saying things like that? She’ll be herself, just in a different body, right? Wait, you don't have anything against halflings, right? I mean, I know you tall folk have weird ways of thinking sometimes, but you were fine with her as a goblin, you all were, I didn’t think a Halfling would be a problem! You’ve always been fine to me… I think. Have you been?”

“No problem,” he says, before Yeza can ramble on any further. “No problem at all.” Yeza is going to make him say it, Caleb realises. He hardens himself. “It is just that when she is a Halfling, when she is Veth, she will go with you. She will be with you and with Luke, and you will all be happy. And that is good, that is amazing, because she will be happy like that, but things will be… not the same, after that. When Nott is gone. I will miss her.”

Yeza obviously still doesn’t understands and Caleb hates him a little bit for that. “But those are… good things. Right? And you just told me she wouldn’t lose her memories, so she won’t be gone at all. She’ll be the same person, but in a different body, won’t she?”

Caleb nods, miserably. “They are all good things. That is true. They are important things. She deserves good things.” He hesitates. Takes a deep breath. “I will miss her because after I will have to leave and she will stay and I will not see her again.” He says it as quickly as he can. His hands hurt where his nails are digging into his palm. He is sure that when he uncurls them, they will hurt even more from the strain he's putting on them.

Yeza obviously needs a moment to process, but once he’s done his face changes again, from confusion to understanding to disbelieve to sorrow and compassion. The last expression hurst more than any of the rest. “Caleb,” he says quietly, and Caleb flinches. “Caleb, aren’t you coming home with us?”

“What do you- Home?” He must not understand correctly. Maybe if he asks Yeza to say it again in Zemnian he’ll figure out what he actually means.

“Of course! You’re coming with us, right? Veth will be heartbroken! And I did all that work for nothing!”

“I- wass? I do not understand.”

“I finished expanding the house well over a month ago. It’s way too big and empty for just Luke and me now, but for it to house all nine of us, mostly tall folk as well, I nearly had to rebuild it all from scratch! Luke helped. He’s such a big boy. He’s so excited to have not just his mom but all her friends living there! He won’t stop talking about all of you. Keeps asking me questions. Do you know he talks to Jester nearly daily? Quizzed her on all of you guys preferences and pestered me endlessly until he was sure every detail is correct. I-“ He looks down. “We understand if you don’t want to join us, of course. That is your right. But we just thought… Veth is amazing at what she does. You all are. I couldn’t ever ask her to give that up. So we decided that if you all lived with us, she could still do what she does best, and be with Luke and me at the same time. She talked to you about this, right? She said she did!”

Caleb’s traitorous mind flashes back to every single instance that Nott had tried to talk to him about her return to her life as Veth, and all the different ways he’d brushed her off. He hadn’t been able to bear the thought of her being gone, and so he’d focussed on the practicalities of the spell. Oh.

Yeza is looking at him, face still so very sad. “We will understand, mister Widogast,” he says, very formally, “If you do not wish to stay in our house. I am sorry.” He turns to walk away.

“I- nein!” Caleb grabs his arm.

Yeza turns to him, cocking his head.

“I would be honoured to stay in your home, mister- Yeza. I’m- I’m sorry. And… Thank you.”

The expression of joy on Yeza’s face makes Caleb very aware of how little he’s earned it, but he’ll take what he can get. He always has. It has brought him Nott, has brought him the rest of the Nein, and now apparently it will bring him Veth, as well. He can’t quite believe it.

“Then I will be honoured to welcome you into our home, Caleb. On behalf of my wife and me; welcome home.”

Caleb has no idea what to say to that.

“And now it’s time for-“

“Yeza? Caleb?” Nott’s shrill goblin voice echoes in the trees. “Where are you guys? Are you alright?”

“Veth, we’re here!” Yeza calls, before Caleb can stop him. He furiously tries to brush away the tears before she can see them.

“Yeza? Where were you? Dinner has been ready for ages and I’m so hungry! Beau said we should just start, but Caduceus won’t let anyone touch the food until the two of you get back, and- Caleb, what happened? Are you alright?”

Nott rushes to Caleb’s side and wraps a skinny green arm around his shoulders. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I am fine,” Caleb says, but he receives nothing but a stern look for his troubles.

“You’re not! You’re crying, Yeza what is-“

Yeza gives his wife a meaningful look. “He’ll be fine Veth, trust me. Just a misunderstanding. Nervous for tomorrow, aren’t you Caleb? After all, it’s a big day, what with the ritual and seeing his new home for the first time!”

Caleb nods, intensely thankful and relieved and confused and light in a way that he hasn’t felt in nearly two decades.

Not looks between them, distrust clearly written all over her face. “Caleb…?”

“I am fine Nott, I truly am!” He is surprised to realise that he means it. “Just slightly overwhelmed, that is all. Come on, let’s go eat. Tomorrow, we are going home.”

Home. What a wonderous word. He’s not had a home for nearly two decades, either. It’ll take some getting used to, he’s sure, but with his best friend by his side, he’ll bet he can do it.

Home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! I'd love to hear wat you think.


End file.
